33 Rules of Dining and Table Etiquette in France
To my surprise, in France they have another set of rules when it comes to table manners.
I first learned that table etiquette was different in France while dining at a friend's mother's house. During dessert, my friend turned to me and said "Michael, why aren't your hands on the table?" I explained that it's not polite to do so and his response, "in France it's rude to not have them on the table". WOW!!! I smiled like no tomorrow and thought to myself "finally I could rest my hands on something rather than my lap!"
Below, I've tried my best to create a list of rules to follow when dining out at a French restaurant or at a French person's house in France.
33 Rules of Dining and Table Etiquette in France
1. What to wear?
Formal or informal dinners, you should always dress nice. Guys, do not wear trainers (tennis shoes) or worn looking jeans. You can wear nice dark jeans with a sports coat and a button shirt. Girls, dress up as if you're were trying to impress a man but not as if you were going out to a club.
2. Arrive on-time or be late?
Formal Dinner:
Restaurant: Arrive on-time.
Private home: Arrive 3-5 minutes late but no more than 10 minutes late.
Informal Dinner:
Restaurant: 10-15 minutes late to a restaurant is acceptable.
Private home: Arrive 10 minutes late but more than 15-20 minutes is too late without calling ahead.
3. Gift or no Gift?
Restaurant: No gift is needed if a host invites you out to a restaurant. You can thank them by sending them a card and or by inviting them next time.
Private home: Bring a gift. A nice gift to bring is champagne or a bottle of wine. If you're not a drinker, then a plant, flowers with a vase or some chocolates are nice gifts too.
4. When to sit, eat, and drink?
If being hosted, do not sit, eat, or drink before the hosts invites you to do so.
If no host, seat only when the majority of your party has arrived but do not drink or eat before everyone has arrived.
5. Hand or no hands on table?
Bring your chair close to the table so that both wrists rest easily on the table (hands support the forearms).
Restaurant: Should never let your elbows get on the table.
Private home: If you see the others with their elbows on the table, put yours on the table as this is a sign that you're comfortable. Keeping elbows off the table can communicate that you're upset or annoyed.
6. Where do I put my towel?
Place the towel on your knees as soon as you're seated at the table. (this isn't always possible, just follow the others at the table)
7. Menu Etiquette
Review the menu, and once you've chosen what you want to eat, close your menu. Once all menus are closed on the table, the server will know that you're ready to order. You will then order your starter and main course, desserts will be ordered after you've finished your meal.
8. What are all these glasses for?
The glasses are placed on the top right of the plate and are aligned from left to right in the following order: water (the largest glass), red wine (medium glass), white wine (smallest glass).
Restaurant: Drinks will be served on your right hand side.
9. Gulping allowed?
Do not drink the glass (either water or more importantly wine) in one sitting.
10. When can we drink?
Do not drink any alcoholic beverage before toasting. Once you start to hear "Santé" or "tchin tchin" (cheers), then you can drink but only after you have toasted everyone.
11. Isn't there a toasting Etiquette in France?
To toast in France, it's normal to toast everyone individually. While you toast each glass, make sure you look into the their eyes. While you're looking into their eyes and your glasses are touching, say "Sante" (sontay) or "tchin tchin" (chen chen). Be careful to not cross over anyones arms while toasting, just wait it out.
In very large groups where you don't have easy access to touch one another's glasses, then you don't need to touch glasses but make sure you say "Sante" (sontay) or "tchin tchin" (chen chen).
If you drink before the toast, it's just rude. If you don't look into the other's eyes, it's bad luck.
12. How do I get a refill?
Water: if the water pitcher is near you, ask the others if they would like more water, fill others before filling your own. If not, you can ask whomever that is near the water pitcher if they can pass the water.
Sodas: In a restaurant, they don't have "free refills". At a private home, you can follow the same principles as above.
Wine: empty your glass if you want more wine, don't empty it if you've had enough. Wait for the host to refill your glass.
If there is no host, then follow the same principles as the water. But I would only refill your glass of wine if there are 2 or more empty wine glasses on the table.
13. What do I do with all of this flatware and dishes?
Dinner knives and spoons are always placed to the right side of the plate while the forks are on the left. For dessert, the flatware is centered above of the plate. The cutlery farthest from the plate should be used first. Each dish represents a course which will be served over the meal. Take your time to eat each course.
Restaurant: your food will be served from your left side.
14. When can we eat?
Wait until you hear "bon appétit" (bun ap puhtea) before starting to eat. This means "Enjoy your meal".
Restaurant: If not everyone has been served their meal, the others in your party might suggest you to start eating. You can refuse, but then they will insist and at this point, say thank you - "Merci" (mair si), and start eating. Once they get their food, make sure you tell them "Bon appétit"(bun ap puhtea).
Private home: The host may describe the dish they've prepared before saying "bon appétit" (bun ap puhtea). Once you start hearing the bon appétits, then you'll also want to say it. By saying this, you're telling everyone to enjoy the meal as well.
15. Can I use my fork and knife at the same time?
Use both fork and knife when eating. The fork is held in the left hand and the knife in the right hand.
16. How do I eat my bread?
Use your hands to tear the bread (do not use a knife). If there is a bread plate, it sits on the left hand side of your plate. If not, just place it on your left on the table or on your plate (look to see what the others do).
Restaurant: If you like using the bread to soak up the sauce which remains on the plate, use a fork with the bread attached to its end (similar to how you eat a fondue).
Private home: In casual settings, I often seen people using their hands to hold the bread (versus the fork) to soak up the sauce, it's not frowned upon to do so around friends and family, again look at the others.
17. I can't cut my salad?!?!?!
Fold the lettuce onto your fork. Do not cut your salad with the knife and fork.
18. What if my food is too hot?
Do not blow on your food, wait for food to cool.
19. What about my soup bowl?
Restaurant: Do not bring the soup bowl to your mouth or tilt it to finish it off.
Private home: Tilt the bowl.
20. Talk while I eat?
Eat with your mouth closed and do not talk or make noises with your mouth full.
21. Please pass the..
Do not reach over the table or people to take food, ask someone politely to hand it over.
22. When can I use my hands?
Artichokes, mussels, shelled prawns, and bones of small animals - quails can be eaten with your hands.
23. Is my knife a fork for cheese?
Do not eat the cheese from the knife. Place it on bread before bringing it to mouth.
24. Hands or no hands when it comes to fruit?
Hands to peel and a knife to slice the fruit. This is an art in itself, look to see what the others are doing and follow their lead.
25. I've finished my dish, now what?
When you have finished your meal, put cutlery pointing parallel to the left and through the plate. This tells the host or server that you've completed your dish.
Restaurant: Your empty plate will be removed from the right side.
26. I've finished my meal, now what?
Your towel is deposited to the left of the plate.
27. Doggy bag?
Do not ask for a doggie bag (to go box), they don't do that in France. Knowing this, if you're getting full, just finish your main entrée as much as you can and skip out on the cheese and dessert.
28. Is it an insult to leave food on my plate?
A little food left behind is fine but if the majority of your plate is left uneaten, then you're telling the chef and or host that you didn't like it. You can definitely finish off your plate if you enjoy it.
Private home: if you finish off your plate and don't put your cutlery on the plate, then this means you want more so you'll be served more. (they'll ask before serving but then you'd be rude to say no)
29. How and when can I get away from the table?
If you need to leave the table, give a reason before leaving. For example, smoking a cigarette or going for a restroom break. Try your best to do this between courses.
30. Cell phones allowed?
Do not place your telephone on the table and do not use it at the table.
31. How do I get the servers attention?
Hold up your right arm with palm of hand facing towards the sky (arm should form a backwards L), smile, and say Sir, or Ma'am please.
If it's a woman: "madame, s'il vous plaît" (mah damn, seal voo play)
If it's a man: "monsieur, s'il vous plaît". (muh sier, seal voo play)
Once they arrive at your table, you can ask what you'd like. Do not scream your request across the restaurant.
32. How do I pay?
When you want to pay for the meal, you can ask for the check. "l'addition s'il vous plaît" (la addition seal voo play)
If you've completed your entire meal, and you're ready to leave but you have yet to receive the check, go up to the cash register and ask to pay. This is quite normal as the servers don't want to rush you out of the restaurants. You leave when you're ready.
33. Tips or no Tips?
Unlike the US, the French servers receive a proper salary. So if you leave a tip, it's a real tip. If you enjoy the service, you can leave a 5% tip but it's not expected.
I hope I covered everything here, I originally started with 15 rules but ended up with 33. Yet, I have the feeling that I've forgotten a few...
To my surprise, in France they have another set of rules when it comes to table manners.
I first learned that table etiquette was different in France while dining at a friend's mother's house. During dessert, my friend turned to me and said "Michael, why aren't your hands on the table?" I explained that it's not polite to do so and his response, "in France it's rude to not have them on the table". WOW!!! I smiled like no tomorrow and thought to myself "finally I could rest my hands on something rather than my lap!"
Below, I've tried my best to create a list of rules to follow when dining out at a French restaurant or at a French person's house in France.
33 Rules of Dining and Table Etiquette in France
1. What to wear?
Formal or informal dinners, you should always dress nice. Guys, do not wear trainers (tennis shoes) or worn looking jeans. You can wear nice dark jeans with a sports coat and a button shirt. Girls, dress up as if you're were trying to impress a man but not as if you were going out to a club.
2. Arrive on-time or be late?
Formal Dinner:
Restaurant: Arrive on-time.
Private home: Arrive 3-5 minutes late but no more than 10 minutes late.
Informal Dinner:
Restaurant: 10-15 minutes late to a restaurant is acceptable.
Private home: Arrive 10 minutes late but more than 15-20 minutes is too late without calling ahead.
3. Gift or no Gift?
Restaurant: No gift is needed if a host invites you out to a restaurant. You can thank them by sending them a card and or by inviting them next time.
Private home: Bring a gift. A nice gift to bring is champagne or a bottle of wine. If you're not a drinker, then a plant, flowers with a vase or some chocolates are nice gifts too.
4. When to sit, eat, and drink?
If being hosted, do not sit, eat, or drink before the hosts invites you to do so.
If no host, seat only when the majority of your party has arrived but do not drink or eat before everyone has arrived.
5. Hand or no hands on table?
Bring your chair close to the table so that both wrists rest easily on the table (hands support the forearms).
Restaurant: Should never let your elbows get on the table.
Private home: If you see the others with their elbows on the table, put yours on the table as this is a sign that you're comfortable. Keeping elbows off the table can communicate that you're upset or annoyed.
6. Where do I put my towel?
Place the towel on your knees as soon as you're seated at the table. (this isn't always possible, just follow the others at the table)
7. Menu Etiquette
Review the menu, and once you've chosen what you want to eat, close your menu. Once all menus are closed on the table, the server will know that you're ready to order. You will then order your starter and main course, desserts will be ordered after you've finished your meal.
8. What are all these glasses for?
The glasses are placed on the top right of the plate and are aligned from left to right in the following order: water (the largest glass), red wine (medium glass), white wine (smallest glass).
Restaurant: Drinks will be served on your right hand side.
9. Gulping allowed?
Do not drink the glass (either water or more importantly wine) in one sitting.
10. When can we drink?
Do not drink any alcoholic beverage before toasting. Once you start to hear "Santé" or "tchin tchin" (cheers), then you can drink but only after you have toasted everyone.
11. Isn't there a toasting Etiquette in France?
To toast in France, it's normal to toast everyone individually. While you toast each glass, make sure you look into the their eyes. While you're looking into their eyes and your glasses are touching, say "Sante" (sontay) or "tchin tchin" (chen chen). Be careful to not cross over anyones arms while toasting, just wait it out.
In very large groups where you don't have easy access to touch one another's glasses, then you don't need to touch glasses but make sure you say "Sante" (sontay) or "tchin tchin" (chen chen).
If you drink before the toast, it's just rude. If you don't look into the other's eyes, it's bad luck.
12. How do I get a refill?
Water: if the water pitcher is near you, ask the others if they would like more water, fill others before filling your own. If not, you can ask whomever that is near the water pitcher if they can pass the water.
Sodas: In a restaurant, they don't have "free refills". At a private home, you can follow the same principles as above.
Wine: empty your glass if you want more wine, don't empty it if you've had enough. Wait for the host to refill your glass.
If there is no host, then follow the same principles as the water. But I would only refill your glass of wine if there are 2 or more empty wine glasses on the table.
13. What do I do with all of this flatware and dishes?
Dinner knives and spoons are always placed to the right side of the plate while the forks are on the left. For dessert, the flatware is centered above of the plate. The cutlery farthest from the plate should be used first. Each dish represents a course which will be served over the meal. Take your time to eat each course.
Restaurant: your food will be served from your left side.
14. When can we eat?
Wait until you hear "bon appétit" (bun ap puhtea) before starting to eat. This means "Enjoy your meal".
Restaurant: If not everyone has been served their meal, the others in your party might suggest you to start eating. You can refuse, but then they will insist and at this point, say thank you - "Merci" (mair si), and start eating. Once they get their food, make sure you tell them "Bon appétit"(bun ap puhtea).
Private home: The host may describe the dish they've prepared before saying "bon appétit" (bun ap puhtea). Once you start hearing the bon appétits, then you'll also want to say it. By saying this, you're telling everyone to enjoy the meal as well.
15. Can I use my fork and knife at the same time?
Use both fork and knife when eating. The fork is held in the left hand and the knife in the right hand.
16. How do I eat my bread?
Use your hands to tear the bread (do not use a knife). If there is a bread plate, it sits on the left hand side of your plate. If not, just place it on your left on the table or on your plate (look to see what the others do).
Restaurant: If you like using the bread to soak up the sauce which remains on the plate, use a fork with the bread attached to its end (similar to how you eat a fondue).
Private home: In casual settings, I often seen people using their hands to hold the bread (versus the fork) to soak up the sauce, it's not frowned upon to do so around friends and family, again look at the others.
17. I can't cut my salad?!?!?!
Fold the lettuce onto your fork. Do not cut your salad with the knife and fork.
18. What if my food is too hot?
Do not blow on your food, wait for food to cool.
19. What about my soup bowl?
Restaurant: Do not bring the soup bowl to your mouth or tilt it to finish it off.
Private home: Tilt the bowl.
20. Talk while I eat?
Eat with your mouth closed and do not talk or make noises with your mouth full.
21. Please pass the..
Do not reach over the table or people to take food, ask someone politely to hand it over.
22. When can I use my hands?
Artichokes, mussels, shelled prawns, and bones of small animals - quails can be eaten with your hands.
23. Is my knife a fork for cheese?
Do not eat the cheese from the knife. Place it on bread before bringing it to mouth.
24. Hands or no hands when it comes to fruit?
Hands to peel and a knife to slice the fruit. This is an art in itself, look to see what the others are doing and follow their lead.
25. I've finished my dish, now what?
When you have finished your meal, put cutlery pointing parallel to the left and through the plate. This tells the host or server that you've completed your dish.
Restaurant: Your empty plate will be removed from the right side.
26. I've finished my meal, now what?
Your towel is deposited to the left of the plate.
27. Doggy bag?
Do not ask for a doggie bag (to go box), they don't do that in France. Knowing this, if you're getting full, just finish your main entrée as much as you can and skip out on the cheese and dessert.
28. Is it an insult to leave food on my plate?
A little food left behind is fine but if the majority of your plate is left uneaten, then you're telling the chef and or host that you didn't like it. You can definitely finish off your plate if you enjoy it.
Private home: if you finish off your plate and don't put your cutlery on the plate, then this means you want more so you'll be served more. (they'll ask before serving but then you'd be rude to say no)
29. How and when can I get away from the table?
If you need to leave the table, give a reason before leaving. For example, smoking a cigarette or going for a restroom break. Try your best to do this between courses.
30. Cell phones allowed?
Do not place your telephone on the table and do not use it at the table.
31. How do I get the servers attention?
Hold up your right arm with palm of hand facing towards the sky (arm should form a backwards L), smile, and say Sir, or Ma'am please.
If it's a woman: "madame, s'il vous plaît" (mah damn, seal voo play)
If it's a man: "monsieur, s'il vous plaît". (muh sier, seal voo play)
Once they arrive at your table, you can ask what you'd like. Do not scream your request across the restaurant.
32. How do I pay?
When you want to pay for the meal, you can ask for the check. "l'addition s'il vous plaît" (la addition seal voo play)
If you've completed your entire meal, and you're ready to leave but you have yet to receive the check, go up to the cash register and ask to pay. This is quite normal as the servers don't want to rush you out of the restaurants. You leave when you're ready.
33. Tips or no Tips?
Unlike the US, the French servers receive a proper salary. So if you leave a tip, it's a real tip. If you enjoy the service, you can leave a 5% tip but it's not expected.
I hope I covered everything here, I originally started with 15 rules but ended up with 33. Yet, I have the feeling that I've forgotten a few...